cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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