i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
