my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
