She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
