After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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