he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
