watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize