You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
