My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
