just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize