he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
