i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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