so that wasnt chicken after all
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
