i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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