The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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