I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
