I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
false alarm, still single
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