Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
