I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
