do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You took a bar mat shot.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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