new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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