It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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