At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
