Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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