I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
