That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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