had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
