Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
