It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
