I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
