Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So vagazzling was a success
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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