everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
