He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
