oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
