If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
