Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
