Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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