I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
