addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
