I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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