i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
