For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
