I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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