I feel like abortions should bother me more
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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