Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
