No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
