If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
