why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
