I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
