My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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