ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
