the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
