how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
