i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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