pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
