Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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