I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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