If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
