Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
