I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
