apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
