i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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