1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
