went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
