well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
