my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
