Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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