After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
