we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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