I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sext me about skeletons
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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