i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
