Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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