sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
