I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
