youre lurking in front of me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
